It was one of a host of new experiences this year. Like going to ICE yesterday and being able to get down to floor level to go down the two-story ice slide with no difficulty whatsoever. And being able to straddle a fence and slip right over the other side in one fluid motion. Both were firsts for me.
On Tuesday, a former coworker visited work. His first word was, "Wow!" Followed by "Why did you change?" He asked if there was a boyfriend, his assumption as to why I would change so drastically. I told him it was a decision to stop being the way I was; I was tired of being overweight and didn't want to stay in the same place with the lack of mobility and limited enjoyment of life it involved.
On Wednesday, I was surrounded by a group of women who knew me from years ago. Their questions were more along the lines of, "What is your secret?" I answered with the truly honest response: "Eating less and exercising more. For a long time."
Some milestones are easier to see--taking 5 minutes off of a 5k time, which I did in November. At other times, the progress is almost painstakingly slow--losing a total of 5 lbs over three months.
The past few weeks, there have been moments of going back in time. On a trip out of town, visiting a Christmas museum, certain items triggered a host of memories of Christmases past. They were pleasant memories, but ones I didn't even realize I still had. Then I went to decorate a house with another family, who played the same Christmas music I listened to as a kid. Decorating with the children reminded me so much of the best parts of Christmas past.
This week, I was in a meeting at work, frustrated by the topic of conversation. I knew how I used to respond to such things, how much progress I've made, but also how much I still want to make. It was like seeing the flow of my life in one moment: past, present, and future.
Then, I was in a dance lesson. Learning to dance feels very much like the last frontier. I'm not always 100% at home in my new skin. Dancing requires a different kind of movement and fluidity than running, biking, or swimming. It's the final integration of all the successes. In that lesson, I was regularly struggling for balance after turns. For a moment, I saw truly why I was struggling so much--the image in the mirror was me 100 lbs ago. I realized it was only a temptation, a fleeting image, and a reason as to why some things are still so difficult.
Sometimes the past tries to come back, whether it's a bad eating habit, a memory, or simply because of a lack of current progress. In those moments, the key for me has been to realize that it truly is a temptation and it comes from a place in which there is no good.
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| December 2013 |
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| December 2014 |
