Triathlon Results: the Danger of "Should"

I completed another indoor triathlon this weekend. I'll be honest, I wasn't initially very happy with the results. I swam 17 laps, biked 9.36, and ran 2.24 miles in the times allotted (10 minutes, 30 minutes, and 20 minutes).

The reason I was frustrated was that I had done the same swim last year with the same results, and it seemed like I should have done better this year. Last year, I had biked 8.3 miles and ran 1.79 miles, so both of those numbers were significantly better. But, my concern was that, in January, my swim was 20 laps, with a bike of 9.5 miles and a run of 2.39 miles.

Much later that day, I found out that the main difference was that the pool, in addition to having a composition of far more salt water than I usually swim in, was also measured in meters, rather than yards, so it was several feet longer per lap than what I had trained in. That resulted in far more muscle tiredness going into the other events, in addition to my having a couple of laps where I just had trouble swimming well because I could feel the strain and didn't know what was going on. When I went to the chiropractor this week, he had to reset my shoulder blades for the first time because of how hard I had pulled while swimming, so I certainly hadn't slacked off.

2015 Results

However, I didn't know any of this immediately after the triathlon and I just felt like I had failed. That I had done worse than I had before, even though I had an extra eight weeks of training. And it hurt emotionally because of what I thought I "should" have been able to do.

I had a conversation at work with someone who was brand new and someone who has known me for four years. In that conversation, I had reflected back to me just how much I had changed in the past two years: eating habits, flexibility, exercise habits, and all the athletic events I had done.

2014 Results

Two years ago, I wouldn't have even dreamed of a triathlon as a possibility, as something that was even open to someone like me. Now, I'm targeting improvements in successive events over a three-month period. And I "should" be doing that because I'm continuing to work toward other goals.

But "should" is a most dangerous word, and I've known that before. A lot of people get caught up in what their childhood "should" have been, or what their relationships or work "should" be. And I am remembering again words that I heard for the first time about 16 years ago from a fabulous boss who was also a priest, "The perfect is the enemy of the good."

What he meant was that many people look down on being good because it's not perfect. They won't do what's better because it isn't what is best. And that's the trap of thinking about what "should" be.

I don't mean that goals aren't important. They certainly are; and without them, I wouldn't be over 100 lbs lighter than I was two years ago. And I will continue to strive for what I think the best version of me looks like, feels like, and can accomplish. But, at the same time, part of my Lenten practice needs to be a detachment from what "should" be because that will only torture me. I can focus on what is, look at what can be, and work toward making that a reality. Without beating myself up for what "should have been", what "should be", "where I should be by now", or any of the other "should" statements that lead to stress rather than progress.

In the meantime, let's celebrate one really great thing: the year vs. year difference in the triathlon pictures. Because a picture is worth a thousand words, and the whole story is not in the numbers:

2014, featuring a friend who cheered me on!

2015: good, if not perfect