In the Midst of a Lifestyle Change ...

"So, when's the next one?" That's the question I got asked by the former coworker who dropped by work today when I told him the results of my latest triathlon. I came in 5th again, by less than 2 points. But the story of the hour was the swimming portion of the event.

The last time I blogged, I was very disappointed with the overall swim experience, where I completed 17 laps, and initially felt like it was a major setback until I found out that the pool was measured in meters instead of yards, and therefore was longer than what I was used to. This time, I emailed the race director in advance and found out that the pool would be metric. I wasn't overly happy about it, but I was determined to do the best I could, regardless.

This time, I focused very hard on staying in control while I was swimming, and particularly staying in control of my breathing. Instead of panicking after the first 200 meters and losing at least a lap's worth of time swimming with my head above the water or clinging to the side of the pool to catch my breath, I forced myself to be very regular with my stroke and not to sprint until I had finished at least 300 meters (12 laps). I ended with 20 laps. In metric pool. I was very happy.

I'm the one doing the dolphin impression on the right,
in the same lane as the woman who placed 4th.

My bike and my run were not quite as strong as in events past, but conquering the swim was a major accomplishment and a way of measuring significant progress.

Not all progress can be measured by numbers. I was in the break room preparing my lunch at work the other day. One of my newer coworkers commented on how everyone was eating greasy takeout that smelled really good except me. I said, "I don't eat that anymore, but, believe me, I want to." He asked, "Are you in the middle of a dietary change?" Before I could answer, another coworker piped up and said, "You have to understand--she's lost more than 100 pounds. She's not in the middle of a dietary change, she's in the midst of a lifestyle change." I guess consistency pays, and even gets noticed by the people I manage ... It was a really good conversation to be a part of.

The other "lifestyle change" moment I had was tonight, shopping for my Easter dress, but I think that will be time for a celebratory post later on.

So, my next stop athletically will be to put the same run and bike I had at the beginning of the year together with the swim I just did. I'll be working on that between now and the next one. Which, by the way, is April 26th.

Triathlon Results: the Danger of "Should"

I completed another indoor triathlon this weekend. I'll be honest, I wasn't initially very happy with the results. I swam 17 laps, biked 9.36, and ran 2.24 miles in the times allotted (10 minutes, 30 minutes, and 20 minutes).

The reason I was frustrated was that I had done the same swim last year with the same results, and it seemed like I should have done better this year. Last year, I had biked 8.3 miles and ran 1.79 miles, so both of those numbers were significantly better. But, my concern was that, in January, my swim was 20 laps, with a bike of 9.5 miles and a run of 2.39 miles.

Much later that day, I found out that the main difference was that the pool, in addition to having a composition of far more salt water than I usually swim in, was also measured in meters, rather than yards, so it was several feet longer per lap than what I had trained in. That resulted in far more muscle tiredness going into the other events, in addition to my having a couple of laps where I just had trouble swimming well because I could feel the strain and didn't know what was going on. When I went to the chiropractor this week, he had to reset my shoulder blades for the first time because of how hard I had pulled while swimming, so I certainly hadn't slacked off.

2015 Results

However, I didn't know any of this immediately after the triathlon and I just felt like I had failed. That I had done worse than I had before, even though I had an extra eight weeks of training. And it hurt emotionally because of what I thought I "should" have been able to do.

I had a conversation at work with someone who was brand new and someone who has known me for four years. In that conversation, I had reflected back to me just how much I had changed in the past two years: eating habits, flexibility, exercise habits, and all the athletic events I had done.

2014 Results

Two years ago, I wouldn't have even dreamed of a triathlon as a possibility, as something that was even open to someone like me. Now, I'm targeting improvements in successive events over a three-month period. And I "should" be doing that because I'm continuing to work toward other goals.

But "should" is a most dangerous word, and I've known that before. A lot of people get caught up in what their childhood "should" have been, or what their relationships or work "should" be. And I am remembering again words that I heard for the first time about 16 years ago from a fabulous boss who was also a priest, "The perfect is the enemy of the good."

What he meant was that many people look down on being good because it's not perfect. They won't do what's better because it isn't what is best. And that's the trap of thinking about what "should" be.

I don't mean that goals aren't important. They certainly are; and without them, I wouldn't be over 100 lbs lighter than I was two years ago. And I will continue to strive for what I think the best version of me looks like, feels like, and can accomplish. But, at the same time, part of my Lenten practice needs to be a detachment from what "should" be because that will only torture me. I can focus on what is, look at what can be, and work toward making that a reality. Without beating myself up for what "should have been", what "should be", "where I should be by now", or any of the other "should" statements that lead to stress rather than progress.

In the meantime, let's celebrate one really great thing: the year vs. year difference in the triathlon pictures. Because a picture is worth a thousand words, and the whole story is not in the numbers:

2014, featuring a friend who cheered me on!

2015: good, if not perfect